Dec03

Asking Good Questions (getting students to interact)

by Erik w/a "k" on December 3, 2012 at 5:35 PM
Posted In: Uncategorized

If we are all honest, we each deal with our own set of insecurities. I think a major insecurity for people working in youth ministry is knowing what to say after the small talk of “Hey. How’s it going?” is over. Even the most outgoing person can struggle with this. I want to share something with you that can dramatically decrease the stress level of not knowing what to talk about when you are with someone.

Basically it is the art of asking open ended questions. Closed ended questions are questions that have one word answers like “yes” or “nope” or “nothing.” How many times have you asked your child (or your parent has asked you) “How was school today?” And the answer was “fine.” I always laugh when I think about my mom asking my younger sister about school. This was a typical conversation.

How was school?
Fine.
How was your music lesson?
Good.
How was soccer practice?
OK.

Then she would walk to the refrigerator and stare at what was in there for a few minutes hoping something would grab her and then walk to her room. OR was that me? I don’t remember. Anyhow…not the deepest of conversations.

Better questions are Open ended questions. These are questions that require at least a sentence response. They can’t be answered in one word. They elicit thought to how they are answered. Here are a few open ended questions that you can use any time. Well, they are the start to an open needed question…you fill in the blank based on what the topic is.

What would happen if…
I wonder…
What do you think about…
In what way…
Tell me about…
What would you do…
How can we…
How did you…
What was your favorite part of…

I love open ended questions. I use them all the time. You may not always get the answer you want, but you are giving others the opportunity to reply in a way that gives you more insight into their thoughts.

Let’s go a little deeper with open ended questions.

Close your eyes for a moment. Seriously. Close them. No peeking. (OK, I guess this would only work if we were having a conversation audibly, but try it after you read it) Now imagine your favorite french fries. Picture them clearly in your mind. See the container or plate they are served in. Look at the color. Are they steak cut fries or thin, crispy fries? Are they really greasy? Is there a lot of salt on them or are there spices on them? Smell the fries. Take a deep whiff. Picture yourself taking a few of them and putting them in your mouth. How do they taste? Did you dip them in ketchup? Are you one of those weirdos who puts vinegar on them? Do you like them straight up plain? Mmmmmmm….

Fries is going to be what you think about to help you remember a specific set of open ended questions to ask students.
F.R.I.E.S. Each letter stands for something that will help you when you are not sure what to talk about.

Friends – ask about their friends. What do you like to do with you friends? Who is your best friend? What is the craziest story you have from being with your best friend. Do you have any friendships that have gone south you wish you could heal and start hanging out with again? (what happened? and what do you think you can do to start the healing process?)

Relatives – tell me about your immediate family? Who in your family are you closest with? Who do you struggle the most with? What is your favorite memory from your childhood? What is your favorite family vacation memory? Who is the oldest living member of your extended family? What is the coolest story they have told you from their own childhood? (they haven’t told you any? ask them to) Who is the “crazy uncle” in your family?

Interests – What do you like to do in your free time? What is your favorite movie? TV show? Band? Singer? Current song? If you had an entire weekend where you could do anything you wanted to and money was not object, what would you do? What do you spend the most amount of money on?

Extra-curricular – What kind of organized activities do you like to do after school? Are you on a sports team or in a band? Why do you play what you play? How did you decide you wanted to do that? What’s the best injury you have received from being part of that? Do you have a shareable scar?

Story – Tell me your story? What is your life like? If I were to trade places with you for a week, what would I experience? How does God fit into your story? (or does He?) What do you want to do when you get older? What dreams do you have that you feel like will never happen? Why?

Ask open ended questions. They will help you get to know your students so much better.

Be a better listener.

Make sure you walk away from a conversation with a student having listened to them talk more than they listened to you talk.

Ask good questions.

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Nov19

Use free technology to do lessons and Volunteer training

by Erik w/a "k" on November 19, 2012 at 11:11 AM
Posted In: Speaking, Video, Volunteers

Want to enhance what you are teaching about? Have you ever made videos online to help support something you have been teaching on? No? Maybe it’s time to try it out. Imagine if you finished up your message and then sent students home with a reminder to check out your Facebook page for more thoughts on what you spoke on that day. You could even give incentives: If they get all the answers right, they can come back next week and get a prize. OR first person to comment on your FB page with all the right answers gets a prize.

Now, what is this all about? Have you ever watched those Ted videos online? You know the ones that always inspire you to want to do some amazing things? Yeah, those. Well, they have recently come out with a a program called Ted Ed. You can use any of their videos or any youtube video to be a training place. You can ask questions with multiple choice or paragraph answers. You can do a quick write up to help support what you are saying. Because you can use youtube videos you can upload your own videos to youtube and use your own video to teach on anything you want.

Another use for this would be for training your volunteers. Sometimes we don’t always have time do training with our volunteers. This would be a great way to do just that. What if you made a 5 – 10 minute video of yourself talking about various topics you want your volunteers to be on the same page with you about. Then you could have them all log in and answer the questions you have that pertain to the training video. The great thing about all of this? It’s FREE! I love free resources and I’m a big fan of what this could be.

Below you can test drive a Ted Ed that I quickly put together using a Ted video of Joe Smith. I think it may change your life. 😉

Click here.

 

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Nov12

That Disruptive Student….you know the one.

by Erik w/a "k" on November 12, 2012 at 10:13 AM
Posted In: Uncategorized

You know that student who seems to have the ability to totally derail any quality conversation you are having with your small group? Yeah, that one. I know, you feel guilty for secretly praying his family would move far away. It’s OK. We  all have him in our group. Knowing you are not alone is good, but what can you do about it?

His name is Micah. He always has something to say. Always. He was part of my small group for the last 3 years. Whenever someone would share at a volunteer staff meeting about some struggle they were having, inevitably Micah’s name would pop up. One week I had had enough. I wasn’t going to let Micah ruin our quality sharing time in our small group anymore.

I had a plan. It was a two-fold plan. First, I took him out to a local coffee shop and talked with him. I told him all of the thing I appreciated about him. I asked him what things in his life were encouraging and what things in his life were discouraging. Micah has a story. It’s not always the easiest story. I knew some of these things, but he shared more details. It gave me more empathy for him. Perhaps a little more tolerance. But it was not enough to make it bearable on a regular basis for him to continue to be disruptive. I told him that it was hard for me to lead our group when he would take our conversation completely off topic and turn everything toward something completely irrelevant.  I was gentle, but he received it.

Part two: I asked if he would be interested in helping me lead our small group the following week. His eyes and ears perked up and he listened for more info. I asked Micah to take time over the following week to prepare 30 minutes where he would take us through a passage of Scripture. It could be any passage he wanted to use. I also asked him to be prepared with 5 questions for us to interact with.

Small group the following Monday night came and several things happened when Micah’s turn came to lead. A) He read his Bible. That was a big task in itself. He has made it clear that he doesn’t like to read anything. Ever. B) He was completely involved in our discussion time because he was leading it. C) He asked the guys several times to be quiet and listen or interact. Even when someone was responding to a question he had asked and someone else interrupted. They listened. D) He got a little insight into what it was like for me at times with how he behaved.

Was he perfect? No. Did this make him completely stop derailing us after that? No. It did, however, lessen the amount of derailment. It gave me the opportunity to remind him of how frustrating it was for him when others interrupted when he was leading.

What have you done to help with “that” student?

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Nov02

Using Movies as Illustrations

by Erik w/a "k" on November 2, 2012 at 8:10 AM
Posted In: Speaking, Video

Using movie clips to help support your message is often a good idea. Not always, but often. I wanted to share three thoughts today regarding the use of movie clips.

1) If you are showing movie clips to support your messages please consider your audience. If your audience is in high school or middle school I would encourage you to not show movies that are higher rated PG. It may have the most fantastic seen that you can’t find anywhere else but students will always go out and read what you have shown. If there are parts in the movie that are questionable it will always come back to you. Parents will be upset and likely so will your lead pastor. Not everyone has the same standards as you when it comes to movie viewing. You may think it’s ridiculous that someone isn’t letting their child see a certain movie, but the bottom line is that it is their child.

Students always want to see the movie you show the clip from. (We should get some deal with redbox where we get a freebie anytime one of our students rents a movie we showed a clip from).

2) Keep it short. Don’t show clips that are over 5 minutes. They get too into the movie and you lose them from the point you are trying to teach. I would even say keep it under 3 minutes if possible.

3) ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS preview any clip you are showing. You never want to get stuck being embarrassed because there was an awkward moment or an off color joke or a swear word. Those calls from parents or your lead pastor are not fun.

My friend Scott once showed a clip that 3 or 4 swear words and he totally forgot that was part of the clip. It’s not just that, I once showed a video at a training event we were doing. It was a 7 minute video of a pastor teaching from behind his desk. It was not zoomed in nor was there a good microphone set up on him. It was awful! About half way through I stopped it and apologized. We all had a good laugh, but the point I was hoping to pass on was completely lost.

I was at an event one time Where the speaker and read a book by a famous Christian author. That author talks about movie that had a significant impact on his life. The speaker thought the plot is perfect for what he was speaking on. He wanted to talk about finding God in film and we were going to watch the whole thing.  He also trusted the author. BUT He never previewed the movie.

I believe the movie was originally in Danish and was dubbed into English with English subtitles as well. The problem was that the dubbing was terrible in the subtitles often were very different than what they were saying. And then the singing began.

It wasn’t long before texts were being sent all over that room. It was so bad that it was comical. In the text messages I was receiving made me laugh even harder. Everyone was trying to be respectful but I could see several people in front of me shaking from laughing so hard. Tears began to stream down my face as my stomach muscles tightened harder and harder and caused solid pain.

Thankfully the speaker had enough sense to not let it go past 15 or 20 minutes. He quickly saw that this was a poor choice. That being said, I am thankful for that movie because of the great memory we all shared in that room that night.

So, the moral of the story; always preview your video clips to matter how well you may or may not know the movie and show age appropriate clips.

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Oct22

Metaphor: Speaking tip that makes it stick

by Erik w/a "k" on October 22, 2012 at 12:03 AM
Posted In: Speaking

Merriam Webster’s dictionary defines metaphor like this:
noun \ˈme-tə-ˌfȯr also -fər\
1)  a figure of speech in which a word or phrase literally denoting one kind of object or idea is used in place of another to suggest a likeness or analogy between them (as in drowning in money); broadly : figurative language — compare simile
2) an object, activity, or idea treated as a metaphor : symbol

So for this definition we are looking at an object that is a symbol of something else. Essentially it is using some object that you can show or hand out during your message that helps to make your message stick.

3 reasons why you should consider using a metaphor during your message:

1) It is visual/tactile – it is something that your audience can see and feel and perhaps smell. It sticks out as something more than just the words you are saying. Hearing is one level, seeing is another level and touching is even another level. The more senses you can incorporate the better!

2) It is memorable – like any meal, your messages may not all stand out and be completely memorable, but they are what nourishes the soul just like a meal nourishes the body. You don’t remember every meal you have eaten in your life, there are some that stand out, but most are just part of keeping you healthy and alive. When you add a metaphor you are helping it to be one that is memorable. There just might be something specific that sticks because they saw your metaphor. Like that awesome meal with steak, crab legs and shrimp!!!

3) It is connecting your message – a metaphor helps to connect the whole concept, you are trying to teach, to your message. Sometimes there are those moments, when they see the metaphor, that the light bulb turns on and they “get it.”

Here is a list of metaphors you could use. It may be an idea starter for you for a message or happen to fit with something you are already speaking on.

Rock/Stone – this has all sorts of possibilities. You could use it when you are talking about the stoning of Stephen. It could symbolize Jesus as the chief cornerstone. It could be something you hand out to all the students and let them write on it with a Sharpie a name of Jesus that is significant to them. It could represent sin and give everyone a stone to throw into a body of water and talk about God forgetting their sin when you confess it to Him.

Gummy Bears – place them in the sun in your car (still in the bag) and let them melt. You can do it quicker in a microwave, but that lessens the point. Then talk about how the sun melted the gummy bears together just like the Son melts us together. (total cheese…maybe you just want to do slices of American cheese instead..haha). Talk about unity here.

Arts & Crafts – something your young child (or someone else’s child) has made that does not have a lot of skill. It could represent the opposite of what it took to create us and the world. You could use it to talk about love. (the love that was put into it, even though it is not perfect it becomes something of beauty when you know who made it and why).

Scented candle – light it before your meeting starts and allow it to change the smell of the room. Talk about how we are a fragrance of Christ (2 Corinthians 2:15). A small candle can have an affect on en entire room, so can one person have an affect on a school/community/family/world.

Hexbug – Turn one on and watch it aimlessly move around. It is much like so many people who have no direction in life. God gives us purpose and direction.

Digital Camera – talk about snapshots of life. Those moments that you remember. Are they things you are doing that you want to remember or do you wish you could press the delete button? Consider the choices you make every day.

These were a few things sitting in my office. You can use anything! Get creative. Not feeling that creative? Post a comment below with some things from your office or your home (OR Hit me up at practicalymtips@gmail.com with a picture?) and I would be happy to help you with a few ideas.

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